Turn left at retrograde.

The moon told me to do it.

Last episode I wondered if I’d have to wear lingerie while drawing to spice things up over here. It hasn’t reached that level just yet, but let’s continue to delicately pull on the metaphorical thong string.

So to recap: There’s a person [right here] and some sweet-ass hopes and dreams [way out over there], separated by a deep canyon of fear, and no bridge. Because I’ve heard that sexy stuff is the magic dust that can dispel fear, I want to talk about how that just might be absolutely true.

But first, take me to church.

I consider myself religiously homeless. From birth-to-now, I’ve been a member of three different denominations of Christian-isms, dabbled in Atheism, Buddhism, even dipped a toe in Wicca and explored Satanism (the rules of which we should ALL live by to be completely honest!) I currently dwell in the murky world of Agnosticism, which roughly translates to: “Who the hell knows?”

I’ll tell you something, though. My life completely lights up as I pull Tarot cards and consult my birth chart and fondle my gem stones.

Please, don’t walk away just yet. Let me explain.

I’m not talking about psychic abilities or divination per se. I’m not tucked away casting spells on my haters. If anything it’s a self-help tool for millions, its mainstream popularity clearly demonstrated here at Barnes & Noble:

All aboard the Self-Transformation Station!

When it comes to various occult practices, like Tarot or Astrology, for example, a wise human once said, “I don’t believe in it, I experience it.”

Within my own realm of esoteric practice, I get to toy around with the idea that there could be a method to all this madness, but there are no deities to disappoint. I can hold two thoughts: 1. life is pre-destined on charts and card spreads, and yet 2. I have complete control over my fate and what to do with the hand I’ve been dealt.

It’s liberating. It’s empowering. It’s my church.

I digress. I mention this — knowing full well it makes me sound like a heretic or crackpot or the model of an annoying TikTok account someone at your work won’t stop talking about — because for years now, in times of stress, joy, despair, and boredom, these esoteric tools have been the big comfortable bed full of cozy blankets. I feel my most SELF when I’m ensconced in this magic. I feel confident, wise, powerful, and oh yes, admittedly sexy.

Because when you feel at home with who you are, who you’re with, what you do with your time, and what lights you up. That sizzles.

“The New Moon in Aquarius”

That up there an example of a recent Astrological phrase I’ll toss around to anyone who knows me, and by now, if that phrase sounds weird tumbling casually from my mouth, we probably aren’t good friends. Yet. So this weekend was the new moon in Aquarius, which also marks the Lunar New Year, which means if you f’ked up your resolutions already, it’s a great time to re-resolve if you feel compelled.

I always mark the full and new moons with Tarot and writing, surrounding myself with various precious stones and the four elements. I sat down this weekend with all my ritual objects and got to work. Before I began, however, I simmered with my thoughts for a minute. I mulled over the reoccurring dream I’ve had for at least two weeks where cool kids are working on a project and I wish I could join them. I thought about struggling through that morning's yoga Bridge Pose and if that signaled a deeper meaning beyond just being inflexible. I remembered the Bridge poem by

Corie Feiner

that I had coincidentally read prior. And I pondered how bridges seem to be a theme for me lately. And finally, I thought about Bonesick.

And then an intriguing shadow of an idea crept into the room.

Wait. Is there a way to use my deepest love of Tarot to combat my deepest fear of Drawing? No that’s silly.
But is it?

And then I heard the jangle of someone grabbing at the lightbulb chain.

I mean, Tarot Card Zero, The Fool — I unknowingly drew that already! Toby’s the Fool, he’s already standing at a pinnacle, looking out into the valley of the unknown, ready-ish for adventure.

I heard the tug of the chain.

And the next card? Magician? Pshh I can figure that one out.

Light filled the room.

Ok, the card after that. High Priestess.
……Hmm. Wait. Who’s the Priestess? Do I introduce that character already?
What am I getting myself into?

A flickering of darkness returned.

I sat there for another ten minutes and compared my notebook full of Bonesick storyline ideas to the story arc that is the Tarot.

Maaaaaybe.
But maybe this idea is way too silly.

So I returned to my deepest love. The practice that helps me feel confident, wise, powerful, and sexy — not afraid of my shortcomings. I shuffled my Tarot deck. Doled out a few cards. Flipped over the first one.

The High Priestess.

You can’t make this stuff up.

Here’s Chris-Anne, the Deck author’s perfect description of the High Priestess card (bold = my emphasis):

The language of the unconscious mind is revealing itself to you now through metaphor, in dreams, or in ancient memories that resurface to be processed. Pay attention to synchronicity, any nagging feelings of being off track as well as gut feelings that move you in a new direction… the bridge between the enigmatic realm of the Priestess and your conscious understanding of the signs will be found through your own quiet introspection.

Oh and obviously you were also probably wondering about the significance of Aquarius in all this. The sign of Aquarius is basically the equivalent of the Picasso quote, “Learn the rules like a pro, so you can break them like an artist.” I’ll also have you know that all planets are now stationed direct after three of them trudged through retrograde for months, which is a woo-woo way of saying: We’re done lugging around past baggage. Drop it. Forward march!

See, I don’t believe in this stuff. I experience it.

So here we go.

This side project will kill two birds with one pen. I’ll practice my drawing skills doing something that lights me up AND I’ll be able to flesh out the storyline with help from the art of the Tarot story arc, filled with its heartache, wisdom, fertility, death, addiction, hope, destruction, mysticism, and daddy issues.

Now it’s your turn! Have you been forcing yourself to trudge through something according to rules you kinda just hate? Can you bend those rules? Maybe even break them for the sake of your sexy soul self to run unapologetically wild? Do you need a reboot? Good. Because, next time, we reboot.